Is There A Reason?
by HoldUpADamnMinute
Summary: Kendall may or may not be hiding a few things. Does his secrets lead up to the tragic and drama-filled future? Will anyone find out about what he's hiding? Can anyone save Kendall from himself? WARNING: Self Harm, Smutt/Slash, Language Pairings: MAIN - KAMES! SIDE - CARGAN


OH! Why hello dere! Um, if you're wondering about the whole "Only A Voice Right?" story… Uh.. yeah.. gonna take awhile to update –even if I have the next few chapters down- … JUST CUZ!

But this story… it's an original that I came up with, and just switched it to a BTR fanfic… so I will update faster and quicker with this! I PROMISE! So yeah, hope you enjoy.

Warning: BAD GRAMMAR, and stuff

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN BTR, BUT I DO OWN THE ORIGINAL PLOT TO THIS STORY, this goes for the rest of the chapters of this story

Later: THERE SHALL BE FULL BLOWN KAMES, CARGAN, AND SMUTT/SLASH. Yaaaay~ have fun!

_** Chapter One of, Is There A Reason: So... Who is he?**_

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Kendall walked on through the hallways of his schools. It wasn't the biggest High School out there, but it was huge to him. He trudged through crowds of different students, hands in his pocket, and beanie over his head. He fixed the white beanie a bit, his blonde shaggy hair falling over his emerald green eyes. His gray-white-and-black flannel shirt pulled down a bit, showing a bit more of his neck, and his black skinny jeans pulled up a bit more, so they wouldn't sag. He shoved his hands back into his jean's pocket once again, and continued his way through the maze of halls.

He wasn't attractive. Least, he didn't think he was. People used to love him for his looks- he didn't understand why though. He became popular in middle school. But truth be told, he hated it. Keeping up a fake act, crushing those that are lower classed, having to get bad grades to keep his act as 'The Bad Boy'. He was actually smart, and an A-B Student. He hated bullying others, and hated that he had to be so... Fake. So he just gave up the popularity. He lost most of his 'Friends' but his real friend's stayed, that was all he really cared about. Even if they were the closest people to him, he couldn't tell them everything.

Like the fact that he had Insomnia- He didn't sleep much anymore, maybe because his lack of eating, or his depression, either way he gotten no sleep. He didn't mind, even though it caused him to be easily irritated. Kendall was already pretty use to getting less sleep, he would stay up late, drink some coffee or water while reading a good book, or writing his own stories. But yeah, he had Insomnia.

Or the fact that he also had Anorexia- he never ate anything, or he rarely did. He just refused to eat anything now. He 'lost his appetite' long ago. His mom noticed that he would rarely eat, but she never said anything, she wasn't the type to bug her children much. His lack of appetite led to his Insomnia and part of his depression. His depression- he never showed that he was depressed, he would put on a smile around his friends and acts all 'Happy'. They never noticed that he got skinnier, or that he would have eye-bags. He wouldn't let anyone see those, so he would cover at least one of his eye's using his bangs, and lowering his hood or beanie.

He also couldn't admit to the fact that he had 'voices' in his head. They were mean… but they could be nice. They could help him with his life and point out what was going on, or they could be rude and criticize him on how he dressed, looked, acted, and make him feel… 'Dirty', worthless, and useless. He hated when they did that- which was always – but he couldn't exactly live without them. He needed them, or he would be too lonely. Even if they made him feel like a useless scum, they made him feel… less lonely, not loved, but less lonely. He named them too. The one that was 'Nice but in a rude way' was Dak [A/N: I'm sorry for making Dak a mean 'voice' in this! I couldn't think of anyone else OTL]. The one who was just always rude and plain old mean was Phil.

Was Kendall crazy? You could say that. Did he need 'help'? Most likely. What else does this insane teen do, or have? Cut. Least, he tried. He tried cutting. No matter what – he couldn't make a cut deep enough to draw blood. Every time he would try to make a deep enough cut and couldn't do it… Phil and Dak would show up.

_ "See you can't even make yourself bleed, you worthless waste of space. Maybe you should try harder to die" _Phil would always say. It hurt pretty bad to hear those thoughts.

'_You can't even make yourself bleed. Just live your worthless life' _Dak would say next. It still wasn't nice, but it was better than Phil's. He would listen to Dak's for the meantime and wait for another two weeks or so to try again, always leaving with a shallow cut.

He would bandage them up, just so no one would see them. No one would pay enough attention to see the changes in Kendall. Except Logan, his best and only 'true' friend. Logan pays attention to little details. He would pay attention on how Kendall would politely refuse to eat, or only slept for five minutes or so.

Logan was nosey, but smart for his age. He had short spiky brown hair, deep brown eyes, and would usually wear a sweater vest over a white button up shirt, and some slacks or khakis. He was the child any parent would want. A straight A Student who did what he was asked, also disciplined, and well mannered.

Kendall loved Logan like a brother, but he couldn't help but feel Envy around him. His parent's (his step dad) would always compare himself with Logan. Saying how Logan always gets A's when Kendall could only manage to receive a simple B+. He felt – unwanted when his parent's did that. They weren't the type to bother a kid that much, but they were the type to make them feel like useless shit, to a point that leads to depression. As in parents it meant his stupid Step Father. The only people he actually loved and felt loved by were his Sister, Mother, and real Father. He loved his Father. He couldn't afford to lose him. Even if the chances in losing his Father were an 80% to 90% he wouldn't think like that. He couldn't. His Father – Sgt. John Knight [A/N: Let's just go with that.], was in the U.S. Military, and is currently out to another war.

Kendall wished that his Father had another job, one that's less dangerous, where he didn't have to worry so much about him. Where his Father could still live close by, and not go to leave to some unknown country. That had to be what Kendall hated most about his Father's job. That he can't see him as often, which he could only see him was every other weekend, even when he was in the U.S. or only see him over webcam, when his Father was in another war, in another unknown country. He hated that. Only four more years left till his Father leaves the job, and the risk of losing him goes down.

Moving away from his father, and parents, we go back to now.

Kendall slowly trudged his way to his first period class – English. He loved English… sometimes. He had pretty decent grammar, compared to most students or even some teachers. He also loved creating new stories, but it's not like anyone would take the god damn chance and see or read one of his stories. His teachers would always underestimate him, thinking he's one of those low life thug types of teens. No. He didn't even act like one. Besides the fact that he always wore a hood and beanie and would rarely talk to adults (and even other teens), he was just a lonely, underestimated teen. He gave up trying to show his teachers that he could do – and knew – shit. But there was always that one teacher, who Kendall loved, and that favorite Kendall himself. This year it was his History Teacher, Mrs. Wainright. She was fun, smart, and pretty. But besides all of that, she understood Kendall. She also managed the club that he loved. It was geeky and lame to others, but it was fun to him and all his other friends – Art Club. Hey! He may be a 'depressed' teen, but he can enjoy his own stuff, right? He loved the club and everyone in it… Everyone but his ex-girlfriend. Jo. It became EXTREAMLY awkward around her. And guess who sat at his lunch table every day? Or is in Art Club, or his last period class? Jo. Yeah.

It wasn't too long ago that he broke up with her, but the past couple of weeks since then have been awkward. An awkward he wasn't use to… At all. See, he was all in all 'awkward' himself; he was comfortable with awkward scenes, or silences. But the type of awkward when you're near your ex…? Yeah, that's not an awkward he's use too. He tried to avoid Jo at school all the time, and ignore the millions and millions (okay maybe he's over exaggerating) of text he receives from her, or from others asking why he broke up with Jo. He couldn't give an exact answer to that. He just… didn't like her. People said they made a GREAT couple. Weren't both of them supposed to be happy? And NOT be awkward around each other? That's what their relationship was mostly made up of, awkward unhappiness. See, Kendall thought it would make Jo 'happier' if they just cut it off, because ever since he started dating her, she seemed to be the whole Trying-To-Impress-And-Make-My-Boyfriend-Jealous way. It annoyed him, SOO much. She tried too hard to impress him. What he first 'fell in love' with was the Jo who liked to laugh at the stupidest things, not care what people thought about her, and didn't care how she looked. Once they started dating –BOOM! She pretty much evolved into a different girl. So, he just broke it off, the end. NOW- MOVING ONTO WHO HIS FRIENDS ARE!

Let's see, let's see… So, you heard about Logan already… Let's go to Carlos. He was just a hyper, happy teen. The type who would do dangerous stunts just for his own amusement. The type who did crazy things, just for the heck of it! That's what Kendall loved about Carlos, nothing brought his mood down, and he wasn't afraid to be himself!

Now onwards to Tyler [A/N: Just do an older, Tyler… who's TOTALLY different… JUST GO WITH IT]. Tyler, he… Was socially awkward and just stood out. He wasn't the type that talked much. If you ever put him in a group, he would do all the work, just so the others wouldn't talk to him. Or, if you hit him, he would stare at you for a minute or two, then slowly and lightly slap you in the face. Yeah, he's that type of 'awkward'. Tyler hated attention on him, he would seem like a 'nerd' to others, but no, he was just Tyler, nothing or no one else.

Then there's Jett. He… he's pretty arrogant, and an idiot. He couldn't exactly take a hint when others are motioning him to 'Shut the hell up'. Jett was 'special'. As in – no one else was like him. He LOVED attention, and was already in the drama club, acting. He didn't like anyone else that looked 'prettier' than him. Yup, Jett was one of a kind… Moving away from the arrogant idiot, -

Last, (not really, just the last person Kendall wants to talk about) but not least, there's James. James… He was loud, full of himself, spoiled, perverted, and just plain out 'weird'. He came from a rich family, which probably led up to who he was today. James wasn't exactly the one to hold back his thoughts. Even if they WERE a tiny… bit inappropriate, or made people feel violated and awkward. This happened to Kendall a lot. There's one thing that Kendall and James had in common, that none of their other friends had. They were both Bi. Well, there. Kendall was still a bit too 'shy' for anyone else to know (other than James, Carlos, and Logan. Jett didn't exactly deserve to know… at all.). While as for James, he wasn't afraid to hide it. He would hit on any pretty thing he came across, regardless the gender. Kendall sometimes had to keep his distance from James at times, only because James had a habit of clinging, hugging, and 'kissing' Kendall. This led to people looking at them like they were insane. James didn't exactly give a single fuck about it, and besides, he loved attention (just not as much as Jett), but Kendall felt uncomfortable with it… even if he kind of liked it.

** One last thing. Kendall might have a … tiny… crush… on James.**

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**TO THE ORIGINAL STORY**

** [It's not that different from the first one, just the original, and from where the BTR fanfic came from, so.. you can read if you want, you don't need too. It has my own characters in it… -some based on friends- So… Yeah]**

Gabriel walked on through the hallways of his schools. It wasn't the biggest High School out there, but it's was huge to him. He trudged through crowds of different students, hands in his pocket, and hood over his head. He pushed the hood down, his long bangs falling over his dark hazel eyes. His dark brown hair falls back to his shoulders, and he ties it into a 'Guy Ponytail'. He pulls his white hoodie lower, so that it would show part of his neck, and the bottom would rest lower than his waist. He then pulled his gray jeans up, and fixed his belt, so they were snug and fit around his torso.

He wasn't attractive. Least, he didn't think he was. People used to love him for his looks- he didn't understand why though. He became popular in middle school. But truth be told, he hated it. Keeping up a fake act, crushing those that are lower classed, having to get bad grades to keep his act as 'The Bad Boy'. He was actually smart, and an A-B Student. He hated bullying others, and hated that he had to be so... Fake. So he just gave up the popularity. He lost most of his 'Friends' but his real friend's stayed, that was all he really cared about. Even if they were the closest people to him, he couldn't tell them everything.

Like the fact that he had Insomnia- He didn't sleep much anymore, maybe because his lack of eating, or his depression, either way he gotten no sleep. He didn't mind, even though it caused him to be easily irritated. Gabriel was pretty use to getting less sleep, he would stay up late, drink some coffee or tea while reading a good book, or writing his own stories. But yeah, he had Insomnia.

Or the fact that he also had Anorexia- he never ate anything, or he rarely did. He just refused to eat anything now. He 'lost his appetite' long ago. His parent's noticed that he would rarely eat, but they never said anything, they weren't the kind of parent's to bug their children about those things. His lack of appetite led to his Insomnia and part of his depression. His depression- he never showed that he was depressed, he would put on a smile around his friends and acts all 'Happy'. They never noticed that he got skinnier, or that he would have eye-bags. He wouldn't let anyone see those, so he would cover at least one of his eye's using his bangs, and lowering his hood or beanie.

He also couldn't admit to the fact that he had 'voices' in his head. They were mean… but they could be nice. They could help him with his life and point out what was going on, or they could be rude and criticize him on how he dressed, looked, acted, and make him feel… 'Dirty', worthless, and useless. He hated when they did that- which was always – but he couldn't exactly live without them. He needed them, or he would be too lonely. Even if they made him feel like a useless scum, they made him feel… less lonely, not loved, but less lonely. He named them too. The one that was 'Nice but in a rude way' was Matt. The one who was just always rude and plain old mean was Nathan.

Was Gabriel crazy? You could say that. Did he need 'help'? Most likely. What else does this insane teen do, or have? Cut. 'Least, he tried. He tried cutting. No matter what – he couldn't make a cut deep enough to draw blood. It saddened him. Every time he would try to make a deep enough cut, and couldn't do it, Nathan and Matt would show up.

_"See you can't even make yourself bleed, you worthless waste of space. Maybe you should try harder to die" _Nathan would always say. It hurt pretty bad to hear those thoughts.

'_You can't even make yourself bleed. Just live your worthless life' _Matt would say next. It still wasn't nice, but it was better than Nathan's. He would listen to Matt's for the meantime and wait for another two weeks or so to try again, always leaving with a shallow cut.

He would bandage them up, just so no one would see them. No one would pay enough attention to see the changes in Gabriel. Except Ash, his best and only 'true' friend. Ash pays attention to little details. He would pay attention on how Gabriel would refuse to eat, or only slept for five minutes or so.

Ash was nosey, but smart for his age. He had short spiky black hair, dark brown eyes, and would usually wear a button up shirt with some slacks. He was the child any parent would want. A straight A Student who did what he was asked, also disciplined, and well mannered.

Gabriel loved Ash like a brother, but he couldn't help but feel Envy around him. His parent's would always compare himself with Ash. Saying how Ash always gets A's when Gabriel could only manage to receive a simple B+. He felt – unwanted when his parent's did that. They weren't the type to bother a kid that much, but they were the type to make them feel like useless shit, to a point that leads to depression. As in parents it meant his Mother and stupid Step Father. The only people he actually loved and felt loved by were his Aunt, Grandfather, and real Father. He loved his Father. He couldn't afford to lose him. Even if the chances in losing his Father were an 80% he wouldn't think like that. He couldn't. His Father – Sgt. Elmer Esperanza, was in the U.S. Military, and is currently out to another war.

Gabriel wished that his Father had another job, one that's less dangerous, where he didn't have to worry so much about him. Where his Father could still live close by, and not go to leave to some unknown country. That had to be what Gabriel hated most about his Father's job. That he can't see him as often, that he could only see him was every other weekend, even when he was in the U.S. or only see him over webcam, when his Father was in another war, in another unknown country. He hated that. Only four more years left till his Father leaves the job, and the risk of losing him goes down.

Moving away from his father, and parents, we go back to now.

Gabriel slowly trudged his way to his first period class – English. He loved English… sometimes. He had pretty decent grammar, compared to most students or even some teachers. He also loved creating new stories, but it's not like anyone would take the god damn chance and see or read one of his stories. His teachers would always underestimate him, thinking he's one of those low life thug types of teens. No. He didn't even act like one. Besides the fact that he always wore a hood and beanie and would rarely talk to adults (and even other teens), he was just a lonely, underestimated teen. He gave up trying to show his teachers that he could do – and knew – shit. But there was always that one teacher, who Gabriel loved, and that favorite Gabriel himself. This year it was his History Teacher, Mrs. D. She was fun, smart, and pretty. But besides all of that, she understood Gabriel. She also managed the club that he loved. It was geeky and lame to others, but it was fun to him and all his other friends – Anime Club. Hey! He may be a 'depressed' teen, but he can enjoy his own stuff, right? He loved the club and everyone in it… Everyone but his ex-girlfriend. Ally. It became EXTREAMLY awkward around her. And guess who sat at his lunch table every day? Or is in Anime Club, or his last period class? Ally. Yeah.

It wasn't too long ago that he broke up with her, but the past couple of weeks since then have been awkward. An awkward he wasn't use to… At all. See, he was all in all 'awkward' himself; he was comfortable with awkward scenes, or silences. But the type of awkward when you're near your ex…? Yeah, that's not an awkward he's use too. He tried to avoid Ally at school all the time, and ignore the millions and millions (okay maybe he's over exaggerating) of text he receives from her, or from others asking why he broke up with Ally. He couldn't give an exact answer to that. He just… didn't like her. People said they made a GREAT couple. Weren't both of them supposed to be happy? And NOT awkward around each other? That's what their relationship was mostly made up of, awkward unhappiness. See, Gabriel thought it would make Ally 'happier' if they just cut it off, because ever since he started dating her, she seemed to be the whole Trying-To-Impress-And-Make-My-Boyfriend-Jealous way. It annoyed him, SOO much. She tried too hard to impress him. What he first 'fell in love' with was the Ally who liked to laugh at the stupidest things, not care what people thought about her, and didn't care how she looked. Once they started dating –BOOM! She pretty much evolved into a different girl. So, he just broke it off, the end. NOW- MOVING ONTO WHO HIS FRIENDS ARE EXACTLY!

Let's see, let's see… So, you heard about Ash already… Let's go to John. He was just a hyper, happy teen. The type who would do dangerous stunts just for his own amusement. The type who did crazy things, just for the heck of it! That's what Gabriel loved about John, nothing brought his mood down, and he wasn't afraid to be himself!

Now onwards to Kevin. Kevin, he… Was socially awkward and just stood out. He wasn't the type that talked much. If you ever put him in a group, he would do all the work, just so the others wouldn't talk to him. Or, if you hit him, he would stare at you for a minute or two, then slowly and lightly slap you in the face. Yeah, he's that type of 'awkward'. Kevin hated attention on him, he would seem like a 'nerd' to others, but no, he was just Kevin, nothing or no one else.

Then there's Matthew. He… he was pretty arrogant, and an idiot. He couldn't exactly take a hint when others are motioning him to 'Shut the hell up'. Matthew was 'special'. As in – no one else was like him. He LOVED attention, and was already in the drama club, acting. He didn't like anyone else that looked 'prettier' than him. Yup, Matthew was one of a kind… Moving away from the arrogant idiot, -

Last, (not really, just the last person Gabriel wants to talk about) but not least, there's Mitch. Mitch… He was loud, crazy, and just plain out 'weird'. He came from a 'not normal' family, which probably led up to who he was today. Mitch wasn't exactly the one to hold back his thoughts. Even if they WERE a tiny… bit inappropriate, or made people feel violated and awkward. This happened to Gabriel a lot. There's one thing that Gabriel and Mitch had in common, that none of their other friends had. They were both Bi. Well, there. Gabriel was still a bit too 'shy' for anyone else to know (other than Mitch, Kevin, and Ash. Matthew didn't exactly deserve to know… at all.). While as for Mitch, he wasn't afraid to hide it. He would hit on any pretty thing he came across, regardless the gender. Gabriel sometimes had to keep his distance from Mitch at times, only because Mitch had a habit of clinging, hugging, and 'kissing' Gabriel. This led to people looking at them like they were insane. Mitch didn't exactly give a single fuck about it, but Gabriel felt uncomfortable with it… even if he liked it.

One last thing. Gabriel might have a … tiny… crush… on Mitch.


End file.
